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Old 04-18-2008, 06:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

well said my brother
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Old 04-18-2008, 07:00 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Quote:
Munkay previously said: View Post
It can't cook for you.
You can kill the enemy and eat their food.

Quote:
It doesn't really smell good when it's all cleaned up.
But -- I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Quote:
It can't wrap itself around you to make you warm on a cold night.
It can warm up a cold night. Trust me.

Quote:
It doesn't wear teddies and stilettos.
Women only do that when they want something from you (a new Ferrari or a new dress or something).

Quote:
It probably wouldn't excite you much if it sat on your lap.
Yeah, they do. In a different way, but they do.

Quote:
It can't whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
It can't nibble your ears...or other parts...
It can't have sex with you.
It can't bring you coffee in the morning.
Those things are true, but neither does it use the processes of the court to take 50%+ of all you've earned over a lifetime when it's tired of doing all those things and THEN ask for regular alimony payments for the next twenty years.

Not about firearms, but the principle remains the same. Gentlemen, consider this:

The Betrothed (Kipling)

The Betrothed

by Rudyard Kipling
"You must choose between me and your cigar."
- Breach of Promise Case, circa 1885.

Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,
For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
We quarrelled about Havanas - we fought o'er a good cheroot,
And I knew she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider a space;
In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie's face.

Maggie is pretty to look at - Maggie's a loving lass,
But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.


There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a Henry Clay;
But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away -

Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown -
But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o' the talk o' the town!

Maggie, my wife at fifty - grey and dour and old -
With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!

And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,
And Love's torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar -

The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket -
With never a new one to light tho' it's charred and black to the socket!

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider a while.
Here is a mild Manila - there is a wifely smile.

Which is the better portion - bondage bought with a ring,
Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string?

Counsellors cunning and silent - comforters true and tried,
And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?

Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,

This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,
With only a Suttee's passion - to do their duty and burn.

This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,
Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.

The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,
When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.

I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,
So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.

I will scent 'em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,
And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.

For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between
The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o' Teen.

And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,
But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;

And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light
Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.

And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,
But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o'-the-Wisp of Love.

Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?
Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider anew -
Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?

A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.


Light me another Cuba - I hold to my first-sworn vows.
If Maggie will have no rival, I'll have no Maggie for Spouse!
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Last edited by uphill : 04-18-2008 at 07:05 PM.
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Old 04-18-2008, 07:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Damned! sounds like a bunch of broken Hearts! I will never give up the Cubana Stout!
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Old 04-18-2008, 07:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Can I have a frame for that on the wall... oops where is the dog house..
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Old 04-18-2008, 07:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Jeez, what's 'ol Maggie's problem? It's just a dang cigar!

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Down in town the bars are full and the drunks are picking fights...
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Old 04-18-2008, 07:47 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Quote:
uphill previously said: View Post
Women only do that when they want something from you (a new Ferrari or a new dress or something).
Not all women...some actually feel sexy when they're cleaned up, looking good, and like to do those things for their man. Yes, as much as you may doubt it, some women actually LIKE sex!

Quote:
uphill previously said: View Post
Those things are true, but neither does it use the processes of the court to take 50%+ of all you've earned over a lifetime when it's tired of doing all those things and THEN ask for regular alimony payments for the next twenty years.
Who said anything about marriage? Not me! I like the idea of a relationship...one where there is no cohabitation involved. Just all the good parts. And when things go downhill (instead of Uphill ) everyone goes to their own abode to pout or whatever the hell they want to do until they get over it. Or, since there are no ties other than the potential emotional ones, it just ends.

Am I the only one who thinks like this? Ummm...maybe I'm weird?
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Old 04-18-2008, 08:06 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Quote:
Munkay previously said: View Post
Not all women...some actually feel sexy when they're cleaned up, looking good, and like to do those things for their man. Yes, as much as you may doubt it, some women actually LIKE sex!



Who said anything about marriage? Not me! I like the idea of a relationship...one where there is no cohabitation involved. Just all the good parts. And when things go downhill (instead of Uphill ) everyone goes to their own abode to pout or whatever the hell they want to do until they get over it. Or, since there are no ties other than the potential emotional ones, it just ends.

Am I the only one who thinks like this? Ummm...maybe I'm weird?

I completely agree, it makes me feel great to do things that make my honey happy. Today I had a bedliner sprayed in his truck. Call me a hopeless romantic!!

And Munkay, you are definitely not weird. There are many times that having two seperate homes and the ability to run away has helped our relationship, especially when neither of us wants to give in and we're getting nowhere fast. Don't know what will happen if we decide to shack up or get married, but I bet somebody's gonna end up at the bar!
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Down in town the bars are full and the drunks are picking fights...
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Old 04-18-2008, 08:13 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

Don't know what will happen if we decide to shack up or get married, but I bet somebody's gonna end up at the bar! [/quote]



Better buy someplace close to the bar then!
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Old 04-18-2008, 08:14 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

the only known cure for nymphomania is wedding cake...
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THE SCORPION
véhicule tout terrain scorpion
скорпион сервисное транспортное средство
โตโยต้า จัตุรงค์ ยาง ล้อเลื่อน แมงป่อง
vier Radantrieb vom Straßenfahrzeug Skorpion
automóvil cuatro rueda Escorpión
蠍子, 豐田越野汽車
Нэвтрүүлэгч хилэнцэт хорхой
macchina fuoristrada lo Scorpione
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Old 04-18-2008, 08:17 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: The top 10 reasons why men prefer guns over women

I don't know why, but this has reminded me of an email my brother sent me the other day...

Quote:
WHO IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND?

This really works...Guaranteed results!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment yourself:

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
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